Tuesday, May 7, 2013

being weak and feeling trapped...

well here we are at day 7 of the blog every day in may challenge...actually i'm kinda shocked that i've stuck with it this long...i'm usually really good starting out with things but then kinda get bored and fizzle out after awhile...like with working out...but so far so good!  today's challenge is:
"the thing(s) you're most afraid of"

i think one of the things that i'm most afraid of is being weak.  i feel like throughout my whole life i had to be the strong one...not really because i was forced to or anything like that, but it was just a role i took on.  i think i'm a great listener and advice giver and because of that i'm the one that gets to hear everyone's life story...the one who can't fall apart because how can i help take care of others if i'm not strong?  i also like to take charge and to be in control and because of that i developed the idea that i cannot do those things if i'm not a strong person.  now i know that this is not healthy behavior...i know it's not normal to not want to cry because that means i'm being weak...i know it's not normal to not ask for help for things because i don't want it to seem like i can't handle it...and i'm learning slowly that it's ok to not be strong all the time...but it still scares me...


headband: mrd, tee: gap, kimono: free people, jeans: people's liberation, flips: havianas 

 and the second thing that i'm afraid of is being trapped.  i'm a girl that likes her freedom.  i like doing what i want, when i want, with who i want.  the idea of not having my freedom totally scares me...it would be like taking away a part of who i am.  luckily J has never tried to change that part of me.  we're not the kind of couple that has to do every little thing together, and i'm truly grateful for that.    

talk about getting a little personal on the blog today!!  on a lighter note...how much do you love this kimono-esque free people top...i'm a little obsessed...and obviously entering the "i want to live in the 70's" phase of my fashion life!




3 comments:

  1. It's the most overwhelming, isn't it? I lived in fear of even dare crumbling for so long. It took a long time for me to learn to let go and let be.

    Praying for you, friend!
    NewlyMynted

    ReplyDelete
  2. love the 70's look.

    also, have you ever heard about enneagram? you sound like a number "7." haha. :)

    ReplyDelete

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